I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
