Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
