i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
