I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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