if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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