Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Randomize
