Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
