my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
