Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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