Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
