I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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