I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
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