I CAN MOONWALK!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
