My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
