Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
