Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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