My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
