he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my shit smells like andre
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
