I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
