She is in my trunk
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
