Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
