i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
