I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
