After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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