is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Randomize
