hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
