He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
