When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
