I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
even my farts smell like vagina
We got so high we made milksteak
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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