no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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