i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
