Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
