oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
