Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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