I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
