I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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