I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
