No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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