I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
