Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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