She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
