So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Two words: blizzard sex
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
