There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
