dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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