just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
