a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
