just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
