I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
