she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
