nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
