My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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